A Shinigami Christmas or Renji Versus Santa Claus
by S. S. Shadow
Summary: Ichigo's daughter wants to hear a story, but what to tell? How about a tale between Santa and our favorite red-headed reaper? My first shot at humor, & a hint of romance on the side. Rated T for brief language, mild adult theme at the end. Merry Christmas


**A Shinigami Christmas or Renji versus Santa Claus**

"Talking"

'_Thinking'_

**(SC) **scene change

**Disclaimer:** I hereby state that I in no way, shape, or form own Bleach or anyone or thing associated with the series in question. This story is written solely for entertainment purposes. I do not serve to benefit from this work financially in any way, thank you.

**Author's Notes:** Hello again, been a while since my last post, but I figured that between the latest idea rolling around upstairs and the reasonable success I had with Strawberries and Cream that I would give Bleach another shot. This time geared more towards humor then romance, but for those who loved my last one; they'll get their moment as well, so without further ado, on with the show.

()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()

"Daddy, tell me a story." The slouched form of one Ichigo Kurosaki peered downward from his prone position in his easy chair to meet the matching mahogany eyes of six-year-old Kiyone Kurosaki. Taking a quick glance at the clock on the wall now displaying five minutes past the evening hour of 10, the now 25-year-old shinigami raised an orange eyebrow in question at his only child.

"And just what do you think your doing up young lady?"

"I didn't want to miss Santa this year, can't I stay up just this once?" Groaning quietly Ichigo sat up, resting his forearms upon his knees. He had hoped that by having her help him and her mother decorate the house all day she would have fallen asleep already, thereby avoiding the same situation that seemed to repeat itself every year for the past three Christmas eves. The tree had been dressed, the stockings were hung, children of the world were asleep, all it seemed, except for one. With hair to her neck pull up in a tail, she stood in her pink pajama stocking, waiting for a tale.

"You know you can't, Santa won't come till you're asleep." Wedging herself between his knees, she wrapped her arms around his waist, looked up and whispered.

"Please?" The carrot top frowned half-heartedly as he scratched his scalp, cursing to himself. She'd been hanging around her mom and Aunt Yuzu too much. They were the only two who could get him with that look. Since when had he become so whipped? Expelling a breath he leaned down till his forehead rested against hers.

"If I read you a story do you promise to go to sleep?" Kiyone bobbed her head back and forth against his eagerly. Holding her attention a few seconds longer he smirked softly. "Okay." Whooping for joy the young girl pulled back and bounced from foot to foot in excitement. Ichigo waved his hands downward slowly to calm her. "Alright, alright. Now go upstairs, say goodnight to your mother and I'll be up in a second.

"Okay!" Grinning from ear to ear the young child practically flew up the stairs to finally do as told, eager to listen to her promised story. Rising to stretch the kinks from his back, the son turned father made one more round of the house, locking doors and windows where needed. He doused the lights and following the path his daughter took upstairs, passing the garland wrapped railing, letting the glow from the tree below light his way.

**(SC)**

"How about this one then?"

"You read that one last week." Ichigo sighed from beside the bed now hiding all but his daughter's head. He had been selecting titles for the past ten minutes, and with each title read, the young tyke would shoot then down. Putting the last one away, the still somewhat young reaper took a seat in the straight back wooden chair leaning against the wall next to Kiyone's bed. A small desk lamp on a corner set of drawers emitted a soft glow, just enough to give shape to those within. He pulled the navy comforter around her chin before tucking in the ends around her head.

"Well what do you want to hear about?" Her eyes squinted in childish thought before widening while she gave him a look.

"Santa, or maybe a shinigami," she asked hopefully.

"Santa or shinigami eh?" the young man crossed his arms and tilted his head. He paused a minute, then two instead. Kiyone watched him puzzle and think, till he opened his eyes, which caused her to blink. "How about both?" He watched amused as brown eyes widen to match the gapping of her mouth.

"Really?" Ichigo nodded.

"In fact it involves a little run-in Renji had with the big guy himself." Kiyone gasped.

"Uncle Renji met Santa," she asked excitedly. He couldn't help grinning at the wonder in her voice.

"He did, but I'm betting Santa wishes he hadn't met your Uncle Renji." Kiyone snuggled into her comforter in anticipation. "It happened seven years ago today actually, in fact…" He paused to smirk. "Twas the night before Christmas…" Kiyone groaned at her daddy's start.

**000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000**

Renji Abarai yawned as he closed up the shop for the night. It was almost midnight when he phased through the wall after his rounds of the town. Ever since the incident with the bounts, and the recent appearance of the two Arrancar, Captain Yamamoto felt it necessary to leave a small squad of reapers to monitor activity in town should anymore show up. The last 8 hours had been pretty quiet, much like the last two weeks, a couple hollows here and there but nothing special. Slipping into his gigai upon arriving home, all he wanted to do now was curl up with a cup of tea and a few fortune cookies he liberated from the kitchen area in back.

Nighttime around the shop was a vast contrast to the daylight hours, as was expected. The kids were asleep for the night, and while the redhead probably wouldn't mind Ururu's quiet presence haunting him this late, he was certainly grateful for the absence of Jinta's loudmouthed rage. Some days Renji swore that if it weren't for the fact he was a kid, he'd have destroyed the punk, he was worse then Ichigo in some ways.

Tessai was pretty quiet most of the time, and while Renji never saw him around much, but knew the guy worked hard. What he actually did with the hours to himself was anyone's guess. As for the mad hatter himself, Urahara could always be counted on to be working on something or other, a new invention perhaps, or just tinkering with something old. Whatever the residents slash workers of the place did with their downtime really didn't matter to him in the long run, but it was fun to sometimes wonder.

Sitting in the living quarters now with both silence and sweets he let his mind wonder, from the days activities to the shops décor, to the Christmas tree alight in the corner of the room by the window. What possessed the man to have a full grown tree indoors, much less dressing it up was beyond him, he just passed it off as another one of the unusual things that only made sense in the recess of the former captain's mind.

**(SC) **

The minutes passed one by one till midnight came and the wall clock rung. Aroused from a light sleep, Renji was alerted to the presence of a large spiritual pressure closing in on his position. Springing from his chair the crimson warrior ran to a window. Wiping away the thin sheen of frost that had formed Renji pushed open the panes to the twinkling twilight above. The snow below was aglow from the lunar light suspended from the midnight sky.

Turning an eye to the sky, he saw what began as a glimmer before appearing larger. "What the heck is that, some sort of human sled pulled by flying deer?" Closer and closer the spirit progressed. Landing on rooftops of the homes nearby, he could now make out a somewhat older and portly man dressed in red from head to toe. Leaping from his mount he disappeared down their chimneys below with a sack in hand. After a minute he'd reappear before taking off to the next house, repeating the cycle continuously. '_Oh my god,'_ the reaper thought with a start. '_This spirit's a thief.'_ He narrowed his eyes and smirked. "I'm taking him out."

Leaving the remains of his meal behind, Renji stole to his room before retrieving his soul candy. Consuming a piece he leapt from his gigai, standing alert as his false body fell back lifelessly onto the chair behind him. The sound of prancing hoof beats drew his attention back up top. With a leap then a bound, and sword in hand Renji flew through the ceiling and onto the roof. Bracing for conflict upon his assent, Renji was greeted by nothing more then an abandoned sled and eight tiny reindeer. Moving with caution he crossed over to them, their breath freezing and rising into the winter night air. Through his inspection the deer remained calm, paying no mind save for an inquisitive glance. Scanning the roof before checking the sled, Renji deduced that the red clad intruder must already be inside. Pivoting to return inside, the dark-clothed man missed one reindeer's gleam of the eye. Backing up the remaining foot between them, a well-placed mule kick hit home upon the shinigami's ass.

With an indignant squawk and a curse, the red haired reaper rolled end over end, clearing the roof edge to the snow bank below. Renji coughed and sputtered while trying to spit out the mouthful of snow that had been collected on the way down. Growling up at the reindeer that were now beyond his sight, he focused on the matter at hand. Slinking around the side to the window nearby, he peered over the ledge to what lay inside. The fat man inside was finished it seemed, though nothing seemed taken, so what could that mean? '_Maybe I was wrong,'_ the brash reaper though. '_Nothing seems amiss.'_ At that moment though as the gift giver was finished, he turned to the chair and then with a flourish, scoop up the last few cookies and downed them with relish. Renji saw red at the theft of his snack. '_He stole my meal, he is so dead!'_ "Howl Zabimaru!" Running a hand along the flat side of the blade, a flash signaled the sword's transformation into the multi-segmented instrument of death. Zanpakuto in hand, he charged thru the wall to meet his self-proclaimed foe.

With his duties performed at yet another house, Santa prepared to depart once more, but before doing so turned and bent down to collect the fortune cookies that had seemingly been left for him. Finishing the last one, the jolly old man felt the tingling presence of yet another spirit within the vicinity. He turned again to the wall behind him in time to greet a young redheaded man clothed in a dark robe. '_Well I'll be, another spirit on this most blessed of nights.'_ His eyes twinkled merrily as he greeted Renji. "Merry Christmas young man, ho ho holy crap!" Despite his large size Santa was able to duck just as the end of Zabimaru's extensions pierced the wall where his head had previously been. The old man's face paled till it matched the white of his beard at the destruction wrought by this stranger's weapon. '_I think it's time to go.'_

Collecting his sack from where it laid, the holiday saint disappeared with a wave, turning to multiple glimmers of light; he shot through the ceiling and into the night. Renji gritted his teeth in frustration. '_Oh no you don't, you're not getting away that easy.'_ Retracting his zanpakuto, the crimson-haired reaper followed him to the roof. "Get back here fat man. I'm not through yet!" He emerged from below just in time to see the man in red mounting his sleigh. "I got you now." Renji watched the man's eyes dilate as he drew his arm back to strike, only to be blinded by a white light before darkness swarmed his vision before passing out.

Lowering his hands from where they were raised, Santa shook his mitten-enclosed hands free of the magical residue that had been expelled. It was by instinct alone that he had countered the young reaper. Being a pacifist and symbol of peace and love, he had little need for such offensive abilities. Course whenever some nut job came along like tonight he was thankful for them all the same. Dismounting, he padded over to the now unconscious soul reaper. He couldn't just leave him out here alone, but what could he do? Stroking his beard as he pondered and thought, he stopped as an idea popped into his head. He stared down at Renji with a smile, or perhaps a smirk?

**(SC)**

The faintest rays of light peeked over the horizon by the time Renji woke again. He groaned from the newfound stiffness in his neck. Reaching up to scratch his scalp he halted at the unfamiliar feeling of fabric upon his head, accompanied by a slight jingle. Pulling the head ornament off, he stared, puzzled at the forest green nightcap with a small golden bell shining on the end. '_What the hell?'_

"Good morning Abarai-san. It's so nice to see you in the holiday spirit," Kisuke Urahara cheerfully greeted him from the doorway. He leaned casually against the doorframe in his usual robes, minus his cane and hat, sipping at a small mug of warm chocolate. Noting the confused expression, the shopkeeper subtly gestured to his guest's attire. "I must say you wear green almost as well as I do." Craning his neck to look down Renji leapt from the chair in shock. Sometime while he was unconscious, that thieving spirit had taken his shinigami robes and switched them for…this! Tugging warily at the fringes of the green tunic encasing his torso, his gaze extended to the red n' white striped stockings and the matching green slippers that like the hat ended in a point with matching bells on the ends. Staring gob smacked at this abomination he was forced to wear his eyes widened in terror as he returned his gaze to the former division captain before him.

"This isn't what it looks like. This wasn't my idea," Renji loudly exclaimed. Urahara merely waved him off.

"Don't worry, it's not my place to judge, though I wonder what Rukia and Ichigo would think of you dressing like an elf in your spare time?" Urahara put a finger to his chin in contemplation. His musing was broken by a strangled cry as Renji lunged at the blond haired reaper. Dodging to the side, he laughed merrily while sprinting down the hall, reaper turned elf in tow.

**000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000**

"And that's how Uncle Renji met Santa Claus," Ichigo finished with a small chuckle. "Kiyone?" Hearing not a whisper, he looked down and over to see his little girl sleeping soundly within her bed. Grinning at his success he swept a few strands of dark violet hair behind her ear before leaning down to plant a small kiss upon her brow. Stopping to turn out the small light in the corner he left the room and closed the door all but a few inches while watching her sleep peacefully.

Lost in the moment it took a second for him to register a pair of toned feminine arms encircling his waist from behind. Feeling the comfortable weight of his wife resting against his back, he covered her entwined hands with his. Looking over his shoulder he noticed the aqua silken robe she chose for the night as it extended to just below her thighs. "I see she got you this year as well hmm?" Seeing the amusement in those golden orbs he turned in her grasp, leaning in to capture her lips, he kissed her deeply. She moaned softly in response. Even after seven years of being together, Yoruichi Shihoin took pride in the response she could still raise from him with just a single look. He broke away from her after a minute.

"Of course, she's so much like you how could I resist." Ichigo refrained from shivering at the feeling of her touch as she ran a hand over the front of his gray tee shirt.

"Perhaps, but she obviously gets her stubbornness from you." She grinned playfully as he growled lowly at her verbal jab. "She's asleep now though, and since it is technically Christmas day…" Yoruichi trailed off as she stood on her toes and seductively whisper in his ear. "How about we go back to our room, and I'll let you open one of your gifts early?" She smiled into his neck as the grin on his face reached from ear to ear.

Bending slightly, he hooked an arm under her legs while using the other to support her back. The flash goddess giggled deeply as she slipped her arms behind his neck as he carried her down the hall to their room. She loved how he could both figuratively and literally sweep her off her feet when given the right incentive. She waited till they had crossed the threshold of the doorway, sighing contently as she spoke. "Ichigo." he pause when she addressed him. Looking in her eyes he saw soft, tenderness reserved solely for him when they were alone. She smiled caringly "Merry Christmas."

He returned the gesture with a warm smile of his own. The kind a man could give only to the woman he loved and no other. Mahogany eyes sparkled with happiness as he responded in kind. "Merry Christmas Yoruichi." Leaning towards one another, both eyes fell shut in bliss as they shared another kiss. Balancing briefly, Ichigo used his heel to gently kick the door shut behind them.

_**Fin.**_

**Author's Notes:**

Well it was close, but as of 5:50 A.M. on December 25, 2008 I finally finished my latest work. I know it's not as long as Strawberries and Cream, but personally I think I did a pretty good job. I got the idea after reading the "Twas the Night Before Christmas" poem. I couldn't get the idea of Renji having a run in with the big guy out of my head. When I was thinking of a way to set it up I thought, what better way then to have someone tell it as a story.

As for who to tell it, well I took the opportunity to once again plug my favorite couple, even if the chances of them really happening is slim to none. I didn't want to give away the pairing right away so I intentionally refrained from mentioning Yoruichi at the start, and only gave vague hints as to the mother's identity. How many of you (who didn't read the pairings listing mind you) honestly thought that Kiyone was going to be Rukia's daughter? To those who did nyaa (sticks out tongue playfully) fooled you lol. I mentioned that her hair was dark, not specifically black. She's still a cool character and props to all the Rukia fans that give the girl her dues.

As for Renji playing the part of the fool, no hate here, I think he's cool as well, but his tendency to overreact and quickly anger I thought just worked so well in this situation. Not to mention the idea of jolly old St. Nick whipping his tail was too funny to resist.

Well I suppose that's it for this story. I know the critics will probably think it was too short, or that I could have added more detail, etcetera, etcetera, but for a simple idea I just put to paper I thought it turned out okay. Thanks again to all the readers and writers who have read, reviewed, and supported me up to this point. I hope to be a little more active of the writing front in the coming year, but we'll just have to see how it goes. Until then Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night. Viva la YoruIchi (Yoruichi/Ichigo), ja ne.

**P.S. Read and Review…Please?**


End file.
